I am the stupidest bastard on earth.
Tonight I got ready for my gig, with the usual rituals, except I could not find my watch.
When I play I depend on my old Velcro watch.It's cheap. I've had it for about ten years. It keeps perfect time.
It's comfortable. I wear it backwards on the inside of my wrist, and when I get to the last chorus of a song, I always look to see where I am time-wise,in the set, already trying to think of what song to play next. Thirty years of conditioning has done this to me.
When I play I depend on my old Velcro watch.It's cheap. I've had it for about ten years. It keeps perfect time.
It's comfortable. I wear it backwards on the inside of my wrist, and when I get to the last chorus of a song, I always look to see where I am time-wise,in the set, already trying to think of what song to play next. Thirty years of conditioning has done this to me.
Only tonight after my ritual shower etc... I could not find my trusty cheap Velcro piece of shit watch. So I went and grabbed a nice old expensive watch out of my drawer and slapped it on my wrist. I never wear it, cause it does an epilady hair tearing thing to my arm every time I wear it.
It looks nice, but the metal Twist-O-Flex watchband feels like an expensive hamster is chewing your wrist.
It looks nice, but the metal Twist-O-Flex watchband feels like an expensive hamster is chewing your wrist.
Solo gig. First set, I went an hour and ten minutes, and took a break. Had a drink, played another set. took a break, looked at my watch, man, this night was FLYING!
Did another set, things went well, lots of requests, somebody sent a drink up, sang happy birthday to a big ugly broad who looked like Julia Child, looked at my watch, played two more songs, said good night.
Some guy asked for one more. I played one more. Started right into tearing the shit down. Packing the guitars etc... while the programmed music played. Shut down the PA, my sore arm was killing me and I started putting stuff on my rolling cart.
Some guy asked for one more. I played one more. Started right into tearing the shit down. Packing the guitars etc... while the programmed music played. Shut down the PA, my sore arm was killing me and I started putting stuff on my rolling cart.
The waitress comes up. "Are you done?" Yes I was. "It's only 11:30!" I look at my expensive watch, the one I never wear. It says 12:40. Then it finally hits me. I am the stupidest bastard on earth.
Stupidest bastard on earth!
The watch is an hour ahead.
Stupidest bastard on earth!
The watch is an hour ahead.
What are ya gonna do? Set all back up again and play another set? I go up to the manager.
Me...The stupidest bastard on earth. I show him my watch. I apologize.
He calls me a stupid bastard and laughs. (luckily)
I ask him, "Am I the stupidest bastard on earth?" He nods, with a big smile on his face. "Relax Kenny. If I was mad, I'd tell ya. See ya next week, you stupid bastard!"
I went home, an hour early, my wife was surprised.
I made a good stiff drink, took off my expensive watch, and wrote this. I looked at my arm.
Me...The stupidest bastard on earth. I show him my watch. I apologize.
He calls me a stupid bastard and laughs. (luckily)
I ask him, "Am I the stupidest bastard on earth?" He nods, with a big smile on his face. "Relax Kenny. If I was mad, I'd tell ya. See ya next week, you stupid bastard!"
I went home, an hour early, my wife was surprised.
I made a good stiff drink, took off my expensive watch, and wrote this. I looked at my arm.
There's no hair where the expensive hamster chewed it off.
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