How To Go To The Beach

The beach can be as boring as a Yanni concert UNLESS you do it right.

A few years ago I was happily unemployed, and I became a "Going To The Beach Expert."

I got one of those wheelie things you put all the crap on. A good move.

You can hang your lawn chairs and a ton of other beach crap on these wheelie things...
...oh, did I mention the CHAIRS?

Never buy those cheap-ass, Legs-Fall- Asleep, Arse-Busts-Through-The-Webbing Chairs.
You'll be as miserable as a constipated bungee jumper. You don't want that.

What you want is a Strathwood multi-position steel suspension anti-gravity recliner.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41ZqdCLH6zL._SL500_AA280_.jpg

I've found this to be the best "Lay There And Fall Asleep Chair" in the world.

Next, you need a beach umbrella. I have 2.
Gotta have the ones that screw into the sand. No mallets.
Who wants to bang something on the beach?
Get your mind out of the gutter!

Next, you MUST HAVE a soft zippered cooler with side thingees for your sunglasses, and sunscreen.

Cool beverages are a must and good thermal drinking vessel is imperative.

here's what I use: The 52 oz foam insulated Bubba Keg Mug.
http://www.amazon.com/Bubba-Keg-04281-52oz-Blue/dp/B000JO90YO/ref=pd_bxgy_k_img_b

Now the Black and Blue 52oz Bubbas also include an extremely handy bottle opener built-in to the handle of your Bubba!
What will they think of next???
A bottle opener built into a mug! It makes you proud to be an American, I tell ya!

Music is extremely important at the beach!
You gotta block out those screaming brats.
You gotta have your iPod. I have many beach playlists on my iPod.

AND ONE OF THESE:

THIS IS THE GREATEST SMALL PORTABLE SPEAKER SYSTEM FOR THE BEACH, PERIOD.

I've tried out many small speakers at the beach, but this one has balls, and the batteries last all day.

The JBL "On Tour" lightweight, high performance portable sound system.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000BQ57BU/km-20/ref=nosim

So you got yer cocktails, your music, your sunglasses, maybe a good book, some snacks.
You get your head in an enhanced version of reality, and this elongates time and makes the snacks taste better and the music sound nicer, and really, what the hell else could you want?

THAT'S how you go to the beach.

That's all you need, (besides a ukulele)
I prefer a Fluke Ukulele to all others.

http://www.fleamarketmusic.com/store/Scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=5


And one more thing. (speaking of music)
Don't be so cheap!
You can spend 99 cents to download this song. You need some new beach music, don't you?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0029BYCKC/ref=dm_dp_trk4?ie=UTF8&qid=1242591531&sr=102-2

Then you can take me to the beach with ya.

And sometimes I do bring a baseball bat along to keep Greenpeace from rolling me back into the ocean.