The Dead Parakeet

I remember we had a parakeet when I was a kid.
His name was Pete.
Pete The Parakeet.

He talked a little, and flew around the house all the time.
He'd land on your shoulder, sometimes without any warning, and scare the hell out of ya.
He'd fly into mirrors and windows and knock himself silly quite often.

One day we found him dead on the kitchen table next to a bowl of sugar.
There was sugar all over the place.
Looked like he sugared himself to death.

So we dug a grave and buried poor Pete out back.

...Many years later, at Thanksgiving, one of my brothers told us the truth;

He said he came home on his lunch break, and went into the bathroom with the Herald, to take a dump...

"The friggin' bird flew in, and tried to land on me, and I sez Get the hell outta here! ...and I swatted the bastard with Herald and killed him.

Then I threw him onto the kitchen table and sprinkled the sugar all over him to make it look like an accident,
...and then I went back to work.

I hated that friggin' bird!"

True story.