Doctor Wonderful

"Doctor Wonderful's office"
"Yes this is Kenny. My arm is..."
"Would like to see Dr. Wonderful?
"Yes as soon as possible."
"A week from next Tuesday? Would that be good?"
"Well I was hoping I could see him sooner...My arm, it's killing me!"
"Ho ho ho! See him sooner! That's very funny! You shouldn't make me laugh so hard especially right after lunch like this."
"At Lunch? Is that where you were? I've been trying to call you for about two hours and nobody answers."
"Who cares? So, a week from next Tuesday, okay then?"
"What time?"
"Is 4 p.m. okay?"
"Anything earlier?"

"Well, we don't answer the phones until 10, and then we go to lunch at around 11, and we don't answer the phone again, until we get back around 1:00.

Then doctor takes turns doing us, one by one, and he should be able to see you about four o'clock. He has one other patient at 4:30, then it's cocktails, dinner, and golf."
"But my arm... It's hanging off. It's killing me."
"Are you calling just to get drugs?"
"No, I'm just..."
"See you a week from next Tuesday 4 p.m! Have a nice day!"

"Send in the next whining peasant."

"Hello Dr. Wonderful."
"Why hello Ken. What's the problem?"
" It's my arm. It's been hanging off for a week now. It's killing me"
"Ken, if it were really killing you you'd be dead by now, so let's not overreact okay? The important thing is, you are here, and that I can't be bothered. I just don't give a shit, okay? I'm very tired from doing all of the nurses one by one. Stop wasting my time. What I want to do, is to send you to another doctor. His name is Dr. Important. He's a specialist with hanging arms and so forth. He's building a new pool in his backyard, and he could use a little extra money. You'll have to make the appointment yourself, then call us when you get the appointment, and beg my impudent unfriendly staff for a referral. Okay? Meanwhile take care of that hanging arm. Don't forget the copayment, on your way out. Thanks for coming down today. Have you seen my new Mercedes? Whoa, it's five past four! I have another patient to rush through before cocktails and dinner and golf. Let me know how you make out some day. See you later!"

"Hello, I'm here to see Dr. Important."

"Oh yes, you were referred to us by Dr. Wonderful' s office. Apparently you whined to them a week and a half ago. Take a seat with the other whining peasant's, wait for two hours or so, and even though your arm is hanging off, please fill out our seven-page questionnaire. Dr. important we'll see you when he's damn good and ready. Until then, try reading a Time magazine from the Reagan era while listening to the horribly boring classical music, on our Boze magic wave radio."

"Hello Ken, I'm Dr. Important. Geewhiz! That's one sore looking arm you got hanging off there. What can I do for you today?"
"Well you see Doc, it's my right arm. It's hanging off and it's been killing me for a month."
"I see, and how long has this been killing you?"
"About a month, I just told you."
"What did you say? I'm sorry I wasn't listening. I was thinking about that new pool in my backyard."
"I said my right arm has been hanging off and killing me for a month."
"Well Ken let's not over exaggerate! If it was killing you for two weeks, like you say, you'd be dead by now. Let me look at it. Hmmmm... it does appear to be hanging off. I'll bet that sore isn't it? This is your right arm, isn't it? And look at that bulge on it! I wonder what that is?"
"My friends call it Righty Bulger."

"Let's see, does it hurt when I twist it like this?"

"AAHHHH!!! YES!"

"How about when I press on it like this?"

"OOOHHH!!! Jesus!"

"Not just relax. Now I'm going to tug on your arm, and just before you pass out, I want you to tell me on a scale of one to 10, how much pain you're in. Okay?"

"YEOWCH! JESUS CHRIST!!! Oh SHIT!!!"

"Now Ken that didn't hurt. You're probably just here for some drugs, right?

"No!"

"You're a musician aren't you? I know you're the type. Put some ice on it. NEXT!"